FEAR OF FLYING

So I have a fear of flying.

I am afraid of the safety announcement at the beginning.

I am afraid that I will die of boredom.

Hey I know how to do up a seat buckle. I learned how to do that when I was four. And if the oxygen masks come down you bet your sweet bippy I’ll be grabbing on to that ol’ thing and sucking the air dry.

You don’t have to tell me.

And if I hear the command ‘Brace, brace,’ I’ll know to brace myself for the sweet hereafter because that’s all there’s gonna be.

Just please no more with the safety announcements.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just ask if there’s anyone that hasn’t flown before and if there is such a person still alive in 2014, give them some private tuition and give the rest of us a complimentary champagne?

OR DO THIS.

Now here’s a girl who knows how it’s done. No fear of flying here. This just cracked me up.

AND I HOPE YOU’RE NOT AFRAID OF JOINING SUBSCRIBER LISTS!

Because if you’re not, you could win a copy of two books about the JFK era, Bob Mayer’s THE KENNEDY ENDEAVOUR and my NAKED IN LA!

I’m giving them away as a bundle in January and all you have to do is be on the mailing list to have the chance to win!

JUST CLICK HERE TO JOIN!

COLIN FALCONER