I thought long and hard about posting this video - it’s about shame and it’s quite confronting.
If you were alive in the late nineties you have probably heard of someone called Monica Lewinsky. She worked for a former US President called Bill Clinton. Their relationship caused a scandal that almost brought down his presidency.
Why should we listen to Monica Lewinsky has to say today?
Because if you have ever been the victim of cyber bullying or if you have ever been publicly shamed or humiliated in any way - or if you have ever joined in the pillorying of anyone else … this will either comfort you or give you pause.
I remember that I circulated my share of Monica jokes at the time. I am not proud of this now and much less so after listening to this.
It is a brave and deeply moving speech, arguably better than any presidential address Clinton himself ever delivered.
Yes, it will take twenty minutes of your time.
But it may change how you think about celebrity, and may even change how you treat - and are treated by - those who are not so famous. There is much to think about here. It made me reflect which is why I’m sharing it here.
It may also startle you to realize how the digital revolution has helped some people profit financially from publicly shaming others - and how we are all manipulated into helping them do it - one click at a time.
The real shame in this? That more people haven’t heard this …
She’s a very brave woman. I always believed she was as much a victim as any other who had been taken advantage of by her rich and powerful boss. I also find it interesting that a nation has no shame or remorse for bombing and killing thousands of innocents can get so incensed at a public figure committing adultery when so many of the practice it themselves.
You’re so right! The hypocrisy was outrageous, wasn’t it? She was hung out to dry for politics. There are many politicians out there who would do it all again if they thought it would help them get a seat in Congress or the Senate. And our media just lap it up. As she says - we can vote with our clicking finger if we choose to. I’m going to try and be more aware of where my finger taps from now on!
I watched Ms. Lewinsky’s talk a couple weeks ago and was struck by how honest and articulate she was. If there’s a weakness here, it’s that her summary statements are so vague. But then, how do you fix a problem that’s so pervasive? Calling on everyone to behave themselves may not seem all that effective, but sadly, there aren’t many other options.
I agree, her ending was the weakest part of the presentation and I also agree - there’s no easy fix. I just like that she has a forum to speak and was so well received … I’m not sure she was expecting a standing ovation. But the video has had three million views and I hope that shows that we are all becoming more receptive and aware.
“Shame is an industry.” Yep. The internet makes it possible to cater even more to the basest of human behavior. Very articulate and relevant. Thanks for sharing this.
I see the internet bringing people together in a good way … I got to know you and a lot of other great people via the internet for instance … but it certainly has a dark underbelly and I think Monica nailed it here. I’m glad you enjoyed this video as much as I did.
She’s completely right about the desensitization of shame within our culture. Now online, if someone says something that *could* be taken the wrong way (even if that wasn’t their intention at all), the FIRST response seems to be one of attack and shame. It’s the modern-day witch hunt, and as she pointed out, the crowd around the stockade is now endless.
I think shame can be used for positive cultural reasons-pointing out when someone’s words are sexist, etc. and saying “Hey, that’s not cool.” (And even just the “pointing out” approach can lead to a pile-on of people after the point has already been made-and conceded.) But that’s a FAR cry from how shame is too often used with the *intent* of DESTROYING people and their lives.
I don’t have any answers to the issue either. Some people undoubtedly love the drama and have no intention of changing themselves (and are often “immune” to shame themselves). But I see plenty of others who make calls for being nicer and recognizing nuances, etc., and then I see those SAME people rip into someone they don’t respect just because of their political party or whatever.
Too many want people to be nice to them when the attacks are directed their way but have no empathy in the other direction. More empathy in the world would be a lovely thing. *looks for magic wand*
Thanks for sharing that!
Thanks for your thoughts, Jami. Yeah, I guess there is no magic wand. But I think even the fact that Monica can appear at a TED talk and get a standing ovation …and get almost 3 million views … I HOPE shows that views are changing, bit by bit, inch by inch. It’s a long road but perhaps it’s a start.