A very good friend told me today that she didn’t believe people could change.
This troubled me, not only because I know from my own experience that this is just not true, but because it rejects everything I believe in, as a person, in my private spiritual beliefs, and in what I have devoted my life to - which is writing stories.
Without change, or the possibility of change, what is there? If you do not believe in change, then we are all doomed. Everything is pre-ordained, and God is a video junkie with his finger on the replay button.
I know I have changed, a bit, with not a little effort. I have still not changed enough, as my former partners will tell you. But I have changed some. I started life as a nerdy, pathologically shy kid whose teacher said wouldn’t amount to anything.
I tried to go a touch beyond that.
Is there more to go? You betcha. There is no there. You keep trying, and as long as people keep patient with you, you have a chance.
My best mate is a walking, talking example of change. I first met him as an angry young man in his twenties; a womanising, hard-drinking, bar-fighting, (and did I say womanising?) guy who kept up the pace until well into his forties. A lovely bloke down deep but there was no hope, everyone said. His future would be his past.
And yet. Somehow. Miraculously. Today he is one of the world’s warmest, wisest men, happily married for over 23 years, not remotely recognisable from the guy I first knew. Well, not really a miracle. He worked very hard at it. He and his wife are a walking, talking, testament to the power of redemptive love.
His favourite saying? ‘Leopards can’t change their spots. Thank God we’re not leopards.’
He inspires me not just personally, but professionally. Stories are the bedrock on which I have founded my life’s meaning and my life’s career. Stories are mostly about change; well, maybe not if it’s about solving the murder or finding the gold. But in the stories I write, there is no climax unless the hero or heroine is faced with the challenge of change. If they don’t, they lose.
It’s not a game to me. Fiction is not make believe. I look for my stories in my world and the worlds of people around me.
So I have founded a career on my love affair with change.
The best story I have ever seen about change is Groundhog Day. Phil is spurred to self transformation by love - and who knows, perhaps that’s what love is for.
He tries repeatedly to find the key to Rita’s heart and screws up time after time. But he’s determined. Change is not immediate and getting there is about trial and error - and grit.
He knows he has to change to get the girl of his dreams. And at last, he finds the answer.
Do I believe change is possible in all people? No. I think certain people will never change. It is a matter of the soul and I am one of those who believes that not everyone has a soul.
But the possibility of positive change is what stories beautiful. It’s what makes heroes and heroines heroic. In that third act, faced with the demons inside or outside them, they accept the challenge of change. If they don’t face it, they lose. If they do, they just might win.
So that is why I do not agree with my friend that change is not possible.
Thank God we’re not leopards, indeed.
The possibility of change is what makes life beautiful, it is what makes stories transcendent and even, perhaps, it is why we are here.
Great post Colin! I believe that those who are willing to put pride aside and acknowledge their faults are the ones that are able to change. None of us are above change. It’s a life long process. Live is ever changing, so why wouldn’t we change along with it?
Thanks Karen, I’m glad you liked the post! I still can’t believe my friend said: ‘People don’t change …’ Left me reeling, actually. I’m hoping she actually meant: ‘People don’t change .. overnight.’ !!
“The possibility of change is what makes life beautiful, it is what makes stories transcendent and even, perhaps, it is why we are here.” Hellava sentence, Colin. Beautiful and in my world the truth as well. I think why people so often say they think we can’t change is because the people they are looking to to change don’t.
Too true, Cristina. We can’t wait for someone else to change and we have no right to change anyone else. The only one we can change is us. It’s not at all easy and it may take time, but I do truly believe it is why we are here.
I loved how you phrased this; we are not immutable. We may have certain aspects that ARE immutable, but we do change. . . if we’re honest with ourselves. What you said about people who don’t change having no souls intrigued me. I was in an extremely abusive marriage, where my husband at the time, like to tell that he re-invented himself every so often. He did, but only outwardly, which I found extremely confusing.
After getting out of that marriage — in the nick of time — I came to realize that I do change and a lot of it is up to me. The one thing, or well the two, or damn! the three things that are constant with me are this: I am a tenacious fighter, for principle, for what is right and for my loved ones. I am a violist, born and bred and I will die one, and I am a computer wizard, a happy find, when hubby number 2 was upset that I didn’t turn into a Zither player and won the gig with the Moody Blues and he didn’t. Everything else is mutable, and I believe those things that we follow and learn and hanker after keep us young. My Jesuit mentor told me I was a seeker when I was 12. That works.
You are definitely a seeker! And that’s a good thing.